I remember my 12th birthday very clearly. It was my first birthday not being homeschooled, so I had to celebrate with my peers in the sweaty circus tent known as 7th grade. Fast forward a quarter century, and I’m pleased to celebrate Love and Science’s 12th birthday without any teachers, classmates or dress codes holding me back.
12 Things We’ve Outlasted
Even though I’m no longer in 7th grade, what better way to celebrate our success than to point the finger at those who haven’t been as successful? That’s why, without further ado, I present to you twelve 12-word stories to celebrate our twelve years in business. Read ‘em and weep:
1. (Almost) All U.S. Presidencies – 8 Years+
F.D.R. had to go and keep us from the clean sweep, but give us another 6 weeks or so, and we’ll have him beat too.
Tradition and term limits capped all (but one) at eight years’ service.
2. Crystal Pepsi – 2 Years
Let’s face it: no one wants to drink a cola that’s not sludge-brown. 2 years after launching, Pepsi accepted this universal truth.
They turned the Pepsi clear, but forgot to ask their audience. Whoops.
3. The Beatles – 10 Years
This one might be a shocker, but The Beatles only lasted 10 years as a band! Even more shocking to me: Paul McCartney was only 28 at the time they disbanded.
They churned out the hits, but could not last beyond a decade.
4. Seinfeld – 9 Years
Seinfeld, the man, is still going strong. But his eponymous cultural juggernaut of a TV-show only lasted 9 years.
A show about nothing, but everything all at once. What a run.
5. Windows Phone – 9 Years
Like Seinfeld, the Windows Phone only lasted 9 years. Unlike Seinfeld, it left no meaningful imprint on culture or society, unless you count the senseless murder of beloved Nokia during their short-of-a-decade struggle for relevance.
The self-proclaimed iPhone killer wound up killing Nokia, then ultimately itself.
6. Bo Jackson’s Pro Career(s) – 11 Years
When I was a kid, I had the most badass Bo Jackson T-shirt. I wore it absolutely everywhere. Unfortunately, injuries cut his two sport career short, robbing fans of awesome feats of athleticism. Ultimately, his pro sporting career lasted 11 seasons – 3 in the NFL, 8 in the MLB.
A dynamo in two sports, but unable to stay on either field.
7. Nintendo 64 – 6 Years
When N64 first came out, people acted like the graphics were nearly indistinguishable from real life. Whoops.
Maybe not a real life I’ve been a part of, but N64 was very much a real part of my real life. It only officially lasted 6 years, but my kids are playing mine to this very day.
Donkey Kong, Zelda and Mario were great, but do not forget Goldeneye.
8. The Metaverse – D.O.A.
I’ve complained about the Metaverse in the past, so I’m not going to beat a dead horse here. We were promised a whole new exciting world of connection and fun, but it turned out to be legless avatars being assaulted by each other. It’s not officially dead, but did it ever even live?
Fake people, fake places, fake community. A brave new world of horror.
9. P90X – 2 Years
Maybe this one’s not totally fair either. All indications are that P90X still exists, but let’s face it: Paul Ryan executed the brand point-blank like 2 years in. He couldn’t stop talking about his P90X workouts, which might have been OK if it weren’t for one fateful photoshoot that made the world’s collective stomach turn.
Hard work pays off – just ask politician and fitness model Paul Ryan.
10. Planking – 4 Months
Again, technically still a thing, but nothing like it was for about 4 months a few years ago. The world came alive with all kinds of asinine planking challenges. It even made it into The Office.
From gym class torture to voluntary exhibitionism. Be glad it is over.
11. The Mars Spirit Rover – 6 Years
This poor thing soldiered on, collecting data on Mars for 6 years before NASA decided to ghost it. They didn’t know for sure that it was dead, but decided to stop talking to it anyway.
It was a hard, sunless winter, so we stopped staying in touch.
12. Most Businesses – <10 Years
According to Inc., 96% of businesses fail within 10 years. I guess they should have hired L+S to help them get over the hump.
Branded on their own, business bombed. Should have called Love and Science.
Bonus Round
Looking at the list above, Love and Science has done a pretty awesome job staying alive for 12 long years. In celebration, here’s one more 12-word story dedicated to us:
Twelve awesome years, and we have barely started trying yet. Get Ready.
