07/15/2022

Your Google Questions Answered: Part 1

When people ask Google a question, they expect a reasonable answer. But can Google's AI out think a college drop out? Let's find out.

People are asking Google questions that are becoming more direct and personal by the second. The lines between general information and custom results are becoming stunningly blurred as data is collected and shared at alarming rates, leading to a sense of comfort and trust with machines that’s never existed before. 

But can Google really compete with the experience and insight of a 35 year man? Only a head to head battle for answering supremacy can say for certain. Tune in to this series for David vs. Googeliath battles of wit and wisdom to see who comes out on top.

Question Number 1: Why Am I So Tired?

You’re very tired. You never stopped being tired from the moment you woke up. You’ve been tired all day and all evening. Come to think of it, you were tired yesterday before you even went to bed. What the hell is happening to you? 

It’s now 11:45pm, and you have work at 8am tomorrow. You can’t afford to wake up tired again, so you need an answer, and you need it now.

Google’s Answer

Your Google Questions Answered: Part 1 1

Google’s top answer (borrowed from the Cleveland Clinic) is a lot of talk with no real solution. It starts by affirming that we all feel tired here and there – no big deal, right? Just take a nap!

Suddenly, your life is flipped upside-down and inside-out with a list of a serious health conditions YOU MAY (or may not) HAVE that you cannot address alone. In the words of Robot: DANGER WILL ROBINSON!

So now what? Do you feverishly start Googling the disorders in hopes of a more helpful answer? You can’t handle all this – you’re already so tired. Snap out of it! Start searching for self-diagnosis tools. Take 5 free quizzes only to find that each requires at best an email address that will be spammed to oblivion, at worst a credit card for a free trial that auto-renews at an exorbitant cost. 

You finally plug in your credit card number, and guess what you learn: you need to schedule an appointment with a professional to find out if you have the disorder the quiz was supposed to identify for you. 

Now it’s 3am – you’re exhausted. You have work in 5 hours. Google’s “answer” screwed you. Another day of misery and bloodshot eyes. 

The Correct Answer

You’ve been staying up too late looking at TikTok, prowling Instagram, and searching for answers to stupid questions on Google. Turn off your phone and go to sleep. 

Is it possible that you have some kind of weird, exotic disease? Sure it is – but I can’t imagine a little extra sleep would hurt in your road to recovery. With that said, it’s important to note that I AM NOT a doctor (but my initials are D.R.).

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